Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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