They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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