$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
