I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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