I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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