and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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