is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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