She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
