Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
