please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
