five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
