My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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