Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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