I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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