I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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