i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
