you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
