is your mom at the bar?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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