Are we in a gay sports bar?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
