DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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