I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
