I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
