One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
