Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
