As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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