So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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