Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
