i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
