I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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