ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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