You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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