I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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