I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
