he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
