you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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