sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
