I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
