If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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