i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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