it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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