Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
