Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im holly from the hills drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
