i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize