So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
