id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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