you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
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He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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