nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you made out with another girl for some wings
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize