oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
only if we run a train.
done.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
