pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
