Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
