Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
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apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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