You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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