Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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