im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
