You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
