I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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