Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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