So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
ok first of all what the fuck
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
