For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are the jesus of drinking
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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