You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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