how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
