I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
