I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize