He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
