my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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