Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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