If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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