If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
