Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
