you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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