gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
