Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
