apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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